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For battered women and the family and friends who want to help them-- "a smart, step-by-step plan" (Susan Estrich, author of Real Rape ).

Thousands of women are abused, battered, stalked, and killed by their husbands, boyfriends, and partners every year. While the O.J. Simpson trial raised domestic abuse to the forefront of public consciousness, no one has offered women concrete advice on how to protect themselves and get safely away from their abusers.

With detailed, practical information, Susan Murphy-Milano guides women through the process of protecting themselves from domestic violence and stalking. She explains what domestic violence is, how to deal with the police and enlist their help, how to make the decision to leave, what steps to take during the actual move, how to secure one's home after leaving an abuser, how to navigate the legal system, how to ensure the safety of one's children, and how to defend against stalking. Family and friends can be crucial in this process, and throughout the book Murphy-Milano suggests numerous ways in which they can help.

Defending Our Lives is a much needed resource in the struggle of millions of women to protect themselves from domestic violence and stalking.

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Publishers Weekly Review

After decades of violence and months of stalking, Roberta Murphy finally left her husband. A few months later, he shot her. "To whom this may concern," he wrote in his suicide note, "I did what I had to do. No one leaves me and gets away with it, so I'm taking care of business." Since then their daughter has founded Project: Protect, a nonprofit agency aimed at helping targets of stalking and domestic violence; pushed passage of an Illinois stalking law; and talked ceaselessly about domestic abuse. Now, to coincide with National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, she has written this guide aimed at helping abused women. She offers details about pressing charges and describes a "no contact" order, an "order of protection" and stalking laws. She also explains how to protect children and, if necessary, how to leave, with details on what records to bring and how to disappear. Perhaps because her own father was a police officer, the author dwells excessively on the special problems of a police wife and how the force in blue tends to stick together. Also, her section on choosing a safe relationship, while a smart idea, is improbably bureaucratic ("Get a copy of his driver's license... run a check on his license plate number.") The writing is straightforward, and Milano makes ample use of lists‘helpful for abused women who have had their self-esteem and decision-making abilities pounded into the ground. Some of the sections could use more in-depth analysis and more examples, but overall Milano has done a fine job of presenting material that will help abused women on the path to freedom. 8-city author tour. (Oct.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

Booklist Review

A witness to the destructive forces of domestic violence, Murphy-Milano is on a mission to get women out of abusive situations. To this end, she details the signs of physical and emotional abuse, the patterns that signal problems, and the reasons women sometimes stay in such relationships. A pro-active work, the book doesn't simply provide women with the knowledge to recognize these harmful situations, it tries to give them the ability to separate themselves from their abusers. Pragmatic advice is given on leaving an abusive partner, from the mental preparations required to what financial records one should take to toll-free numbers for rental cars and hotel rooms. Murphy-Milano also tackles the legal system, including what rights a woman has once the police are called, plus ways to later use the courts for protection. With 8 to 10 women dying every day from domestic violence, this information is extremely necessary. (Reviewed Sept. 1, 1996)0385484410Brian McCombie