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Internationally renowned therapist, family expert and mediator Isolina Ricci, Ph.D. presents this definitive and newly updated guide to divorce and making shared custody work for parents and children.

The ground-breaking classic, Mom's House, Dad's House , has become the standard for two generations of divorcing parents, and includes examples, self-tests, checklists, tools, and guidelines to help separated moms and dads with the legal, emotional, and financial issues they will encounter as they work to create happy and stable homes.

This comprehensive guide looks anew at the needs of all family members with creative options and common-sense advice, including:

* The map to a "decent divorce" and two happy homes
* Helping children of divorce with age-specific advice
* Negotiating Parental Agreements and custody arrangements
* Breaking away from "negative intimacy" with a difficult ex-husband or ex-wife
* Sidestepping destructive myths about divorce (and marriage)
* Handling long-distance parenting and parenting alone

With Mom's House, Dad's House , parents will learn how to help their children heal and find a sense of continuity, security, and stability throughout the divorce process and in any custody situation.

Tabla de contenidos provista por Syndetics

• Author's Note(xv)
• Part 1 Two Homes With No Fighting
• 1 Building a New Family Life: The Destination(3)
• Building a New Family Life(4)
• Two Homes Can Work for You(6)
• Managing the Goal of a Decent Divorce or Separation(10)
• A New Family Bill of Rights(11)
• When Children Do Best(12)
• The New Pioneers(13)
• How to Use This Book(14)
• 2 Believe in Your Family: Dispelling Destructive Myths(16)
• Twelve Destructive Myths About Divorce(17)
• Taking Control of the Myths(24)
• Believe in Your Family(24)
• 3 From One Home to Two Homes: The Map(27)
• The Map: Stages One to Seven(28)
• From One Home to Two Homes(29)
• The Crisis Periods for Parents and Children: Stages Four and Five(35)
• Unmarried Parenting(35)
• Remarriage and a New Family History(36)
• You and the Other Parent: A New Type of Relationship(36)
• Guidelines for Measuring Your Progress(37)
• 4 Watch Your Language: How Words Help or Hurt(36)
• Stinfeweed Words, Rose Words(38)
• What Children Hear(40)
• A New Vocabulary(41)
• Changing Old Habits(43)
• Advantages of a New Vocabulary(44)
• 5 Your "Human Income": Increasing Your Resources for Coping with Stress(46)
• Changes When a Relationship Ends(46)
• The Effects of Stress(47)
• Your Resources for Coping with Stress(48)
• Self-Test: What Are Your Resources?(49)
• Ten Basic Rules for Making a Crisis Work for You(51)
• How Muck Change and Stress Can and Should You Afford?(54)
• Part 2 Making Tough Times Work For You
• 6 The Emotions of Ending a Relationship: The Wounding and Healing Process(59)
• The Wounding and Healing Process(60)
• Whose Idea Was This? Who Was Surprised?(61)
• The Phases of Ending a Relationship: The First and Second Waves(64)
• Treatments for Healing the Wound(65)
• The First Wave of Emotions in Detail(66)
• Addiction to Strong Emotions(71)
• 7 The Retreat from Intimacy: How to Relate to the Other Parent(76)
• Negative Intimacy(76)
• That Old Family Feeling(77)
• From Intimacy to Working Relationship(78)
• The Three Basic Levels of Relationships(80)
• The Parents' "Business Relationship"(83)
• Doing Business When You'd Rather Do Battle(85)
• Self-Test: Are You Moving Away from Intimacy?(87)
• Guidelines for Your Move Away from Intimacy(89)
• 8 The New businesslike Relationship: Standards of Conduct for Parents(94)
• Standards of Conduct for a Working Relationship(95)
• Whether or Not to Interfere(97)
• Communications(98)
• Basic "Parent-Business" Principles(104)
• When the Going Gets Really Tough(107)
• An Example of a Good Working Relationship(108)
• How to Prepare for a "Parent-Business" Discussion(110)
• 9 Mom's House, Pad's House: How to Make Them Homes(113)
• Two-Home Rewards(114)
• Your Hopes and Dreams as Parents(114)
• Parenting Patterns(115)
• Your Home(118)
• Child Care(122)
• Keeping in Touch with Your Children(125)
• Anchors for Teenagers(127)
• The Other Adults in Your Children's lives(128)
• Back to a New Normal(132)
• 10 Your Children: Giving Them Security and Continuity(133)
• Choices and Changes for Your Child(135)
• Keeping Children out of the Middle(140)
• Calming Your Children's Fears and Rebuilding Trust(144)
• How to Know When Your Child Needs Help(150)
• Trust Yourself, Trust Your Instincts(154)
• Part 3 The Legal Business Is Your Business
• 11 The Legal Business: The Big Picture, Custody, and Making Major Decisions(157)
• The Big Picture(158)
• Attorneys(162)
• Custody, No Custody, Shared Custody(164)
• Custody: Some Common Legal Terms(165)
• Parents' Time with Their Children(168)
• The Children's Calendar(171)
• What is Best for Your Child?(172)
• Ways to Share Time(172)
• Where Will You and Your Children Live?(179)
• Making Major Decisions for Your Child(180)
• Your Turn. What Do You Want?(181)
• 12 Parenting Plans and Agreements: The Basic Elements(183)
• Anatomy of a Parenting Plan(184)
• What Goes into a Basic Parenting Plan(184)
• A Parenting Plan in Detail(185)
• Sample Standards of Conduct(186)
• Special Provisions(191)
• Private Contracts(194)
• 13 How to Negotiate Your Own Agreements: A Step-by-Step Guide(196)
• Short-Term Private Agreements(198)
• Ten Tips on How to Negotiate(198)
• Major Steps for a Short-Term Agreement(204)
• Negotiating a Short-Term Agreement(205)
• Legal Agreements and Parenting Plans(210)
• The Long-Term Parenting Plan(210)
• Guidelines for Your Negotiations(215)
• Some Final Considerations(218)
• 14 A Long-Term Parenting Plan: Working Out an Agreement on Your Own(219)
• The Meetings(221)
• The Result: A Parenting Plan(225)
• Wording Your Agreement(229)
• Your New United Front(231)
• 15 Family Mediation: Getting Help to Stay Out of Court(233)
• What Is Family Mediation?(234)
• Frequently Asked Questions(235)
• Your Role in the Mediation Process Itself(241)
• Preparing for Negotiations(241)
• Example of a Mediation: Using Mediation for Both Legal and Private Agreements(242)
• Part 4 Your Family, Your Future
• 16 Your Family: Building Family Strength(255)
• Your Family(255)
• Garden-Variety Complaints(258)
• Holidays(265)
• 17 Your Family Network: Opening Your Family to Others(269)
• Common Barriers to Extending Families(270)
• How to Begin an Extended Family and Acquaintance Network(274)
• When There Is No Other Parent(277)
• 18 Long-Distance Parenting: How to Feel Close When You Are Far Apart(260)
• To Move or Not to Move Away(280)
• How to Feel Close When You Are Far Apart(290)
• Partings and Reunions(294)
• 19 When an Absent Parent Returns: Things to Consider(298)
• How Children Feel When They Lose a Parent(299)
• The Price of Reentry-For Both Parents(305)
• When Reinvolvement Does Not Work: Two Homes with Friends and Relatives(306)
• 20 Moving On: Bottlenecks and Breakthroughs(305)
• The Second Wave: Flashbacks(308)
• Remarriage; Your Own or the Other Parent's(312)
• Another Ending(318)
• A Change in School-Year Residence(319)
• Your Place in the Community(322)
• Graduations, Weddings, Family Fiestas(323)
• And Thanks for the Memory(324)
• Part 5 References And Resources
• For Professionals(329)
• Chapter Notes(331)
• Further Reading(343)
• Appendix 1 Information for Schools(347)
• Appendix 2 Attorneys(349)
• Appendix 3 Money-The Cost of Raising Children(351)
• Appendix 4 Private Contracts(356)
• Appendix 5 Mediation Confidentiality Agreement(361)
• Appendix 6 Finding a Mediator(362)
• Appendix 7 What Happens in Mediation(364)
• Appendix 8 A Guide for Choosing Child Care(366)
• Index(369)

Notas de autor provistas por Syndetics

Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., whose breakthrough work twenty-two years ago resulted in the first edition of Mom's House, Dad's House, is a licensed family therapist, educator, and mediator who now heads the statewide office of Family Court services for the California judicial branch. Her latest book is Mom's House, Dad's House for Kids.