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Why do we often feel cut off when speaking to the people closest to us family members, friends, or colleagues? What is it that keeps so many of us from really listening? Michael P. Nichols answers these questions and more in this thoughtful, witty, and helpful look at the reasons people don't hear one another. His book, a guide to the secrets of listening and being listened to, is filled with vivid examples that clearly demonstrate easy-to-learn techniques for becoming a better listener. He also illustrates how empathic listening enables us to break through misunderstandings and conflict and to transform our personal and professional relationships.

Tabla de contenidos provista por Syndetics

• Introduction
• Part I Yearning to be Understood
• Why Listening Is So Important
• "Did You Hear What I Said?" How Listening Shapes Us and Connects Us to Each Other
• "Thanks for Listening"
• How Communication Breaks Down
• "Why Won't You Listen to Me?"
• Part II The Real Reasons People Don't Listen
• The Heart of Listening: The Struggle to Suspend Our Own Needs
• "When Is It My Turn?" How Hidden Assumptions Prejudice Listening
• "You Hear Only What You Want to Hear!" How Emotionality Makes Us Defensive
• "Why Do You Always Overreact!"
• Part III Getting Through to Each Other
• How to Let Go of Your Own Needs and Listen
• "Take Your Time-I'm Listening"
• Empathy Begins with Openness
• "I Never Knew You Felt That Way"
• How to Defuse Emotional Reactivity
• "I Can See This Is Really Upsetting You."
• Part IV Listening in Context
• Listening Between Intimate Partners
• "We Never Seem to Talk Anymore." How to Listen and Be Heard within the Family
• "Nobody Around Here Ever Listens to Me!" Being Able to Hear Friends and Colleagues
• "I Knew You'd Understand."
• Epilogue

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Publishers Weekly Review

What is true listening and why, the author asks, has it become a near-rarity in modern life? Nichols (Family Healing) shows how to utilize this ``art by which we use empathy to reach the space across us'' to improve and repair relationships with spouses, lovers, relatives, children, friends and colleagues, and even how to boost one's own ``listenability.'' He also explains what listening isn't, explaining why people don't listen and listing obstacles to listening (especially defensiveness owing to emotional overreaction). Humor, true-life examples and simple exercises make this a practical and even entertaining self-help guide, although Nichols can be a bit long-winded and preachy. (Mar.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

CHOICE Review

Nichols examines the importance of listening and the covert assumptions, emotional defensiveness, and unconscious needs that inhibit good listening. He suggests ways to break through to others when listening has broken down and to control emotional reactions so that we may be better heard. He argues that the essence of good listening is empathy, achieved by suspending preoccupation with self to enter the experience of others. Practical suggestions are offered for handling interruptions, moving beyond assumptions, and defusing anger. A tendency to stereotype jobs and gender roles is distracting: men complain about not being appreciated at work, women about being overwhelmed taking care of house and children; women apply for jobs, men hire them; women are "Indians," their bosses "Chiefs"; and in describing the pretense of listening, Nichols takes an unwarranted shot at "state funded bureaucrats on autopilot." Written in a readable, clear style, the topic of listening is covered extensively. An index or bibliography would have been helpful to those interested in further research. Recommended for undergraduates, professionals in counseling, and the general public. A. L. Deming; Trinity College (DC)

Notas de autor provistas por Syndetics

Michael P. Nichols, PhD, a Professor of Psychology at the College of William and Mary, is coauthor (with Salvador Minuchin) of Family Healing , and author of No Place to Hide and Turning Forty in the Eighties among other books. He is a popular speaker and has been a guest on television programs, including Oprah! and CBS This Morning.